How do I heal myself? That's a question I asked my Inner Being night after night, pleading to for answers, so that I could be free of Lumpy. I’ve been on an 11 year self-healing journey after being diagnosed with a brainstem tumor that had grown to the size of a lime and is located just below my jaw on the right side of my neck. You can see photos and read more in the link below.
Initially, I set out to “fix what was wrong with my body” because I sure as hell wasn’t going to let a disgusting tumor disrupt my money maker. What I mean is, I used to rely on my looks to make a living. I thought my worth was dependent on how desirable I was to men. This was especially true when I was a call girl, but the belief carried over into later work, and into my relationships. So ya, I was angry and scared when Lumpy showed up.
What I didn’t realize was that the lump would lead me to love.
It makes sense to want to fix what’s broken in our bodies and lives, but what if nothing is actually broken? What if the thing we think is “wrong” is, instead, a signal? The signal that alerts us to something we’re creating unconsciously that is out of alignment with our Inner Being.
If our Inner Being is abundant and joyful and pure positive energy, full of wellness and wholeness and love…
But our physical bodies, and bank accounts, and relationships are fucked…
Doesn’t it stand to reason that we are focused on the wrong things, creating unnecessary chaos, struggle and suffering for ourselves?
After about five years of fighting with my body trying to force it to fix itself, using one alternative therapy after the next, growing more frustrated and depressed, I threw in the towel. I stopped trying. I gave up the struggle and just let it be.
I began to make friends with the part of me I hated most.
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